1. When going for your job interview, make sure you wear socks to muffle the sound of your slippers.
2. Distract the interviewer from that stain on your tie by unzipping your pants.
3. Wear a t-shirt that covers up your ‘Little Nyonya Forever!’ tattoo.
4. A reference letter from Mas Selamat is not as impressive as you think.
5. In the job application form, do not list ‘cockfighting’ as one of your hobbies.
6. If possible, use a very small font to type your c.v., so it can fit completely on a $50 bill.
7. Don’t ask the interviewer if he uses Beijing 101.
8. Modelling agencies are always on the lookout for ‘Before’ models.
9. Lawyers: do not list ‘Satan’ as a character referee. Try to be different from the others.
10. Never, ever ask the interviewer if you can borrow some of his dental floss.
11. Create sympathy by printing your cover letter on the back of your DBS High Notes 5 refund rejection letter.
12. In the middle of the interview, don’t ask whether you can phone your mother to find out how to answer the question.
13. If you fart during the interview, blame it on the secretary.
14. When giving your interviewer oral sex, be careful with your teeth.
